The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
