god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
