I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
