Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
