I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
