Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
