that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
