um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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