True but thats because hes a fetus.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
