he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
