yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
