We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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