i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
