i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
