Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize