i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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