I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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