I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
