why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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