I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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