i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
