its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
