If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
