She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I AM VODKA MAN
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
