Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
