It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Pooping to opera.
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