I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
