nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
