Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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