I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
