i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
