Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
