are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
