He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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