ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize