Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
