could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
