and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She said her name was "party"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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