I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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