she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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