I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
