I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
