DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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