You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
