By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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