I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
