I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
