I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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