I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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