I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
