we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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