I seem to have left my pride at pride
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
