Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
