Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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