You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
