at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
