Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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