I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize