youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
