My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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