what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
