some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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