is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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