mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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