Whod you bang
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
