is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize