cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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