I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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