i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
