Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
