you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
