Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
