It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
