dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
