i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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