I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
