my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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