Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
