You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he thought i was a dude.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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