help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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