I wish I could punch you in the face.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
