If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
