I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
