I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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