I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
