My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
4 words: hood of his car
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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