This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize